Douglas Bastard's Rants of Rage

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This article was written on 02 Jun 2016, and is filled under Uncategorised.

And this is why we can’t have nice things

So. We’re in the European Union for another couple of weeks until a combination of factors result in us walking out in history’s least impressive strop. There’s an admittedly entertaining Tory civil war taking place with leave and remain factions eating themselves in public where previously it had been conducted in private. Labour couldn’t get airtime if Corbyn was caught balls deep in a lemur and the rampant bigot faction, which is probably about half the country, have decided that leaving the EU is the answer to their many and varied preoccupations, from chemtrails, there being too many black people and the time a Muslim might have Looked At Them Funny.

This is a perfect storm of idiocy and demonstrates the central problem of democracy, which is that if you’re in a car and the other two occupants decide it’s going to go off a cliff, then what happens next is going to end with you spread all over the beach. We are fettered to these idiots, who are just numerous enough to mean that the country as a whole is circling the drain while Michael Gove, ‘Boris’ Johnson and Priti Patel, all of whom want to be in charge of the idiots, play the national anthem on the kazoo and wave plastic flags made in China while saying that it’s fine.

Let’s take a look at what’s been happening since 1979. All the transport has been sold off to people who want to make a profit rather than take people to places they want to go, which is why anyone who doesn’t live in an urban area needs to wait two hours for a bus and complete a journey whose fare structure is incomprehensible to anyone but the wonk who worked it out in the first place. If you want to get on a train, it’s probably overcrowded and expensive when you want to use it and deserted and less expensive when you don’t.

We don’t have control over any of our major utilities anymore because they’ve all been sold off to people who don’t really care. Prices haven’t changed, of course, because the point of privatisation is not to give people choice, which is an epic old lie, but to put money into the hands of shareholders who don’t give a tuppenny toss if Mrs McNulty from Fife thinks the service is a shambles and the people who own it should be garrotted, because she has to pay them. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t get gas, water or electricity and nobody takes her poo away.

We don’t own the Royal Mail or the Post Office which, thanks to that special national genius for absolute barking incompetence are simultaneously more hopeless and more expensive than they’ve ever been, possibly because they have to make a profit for the same shareholders who have Mrs McNulty from Fife by the short and curlies. Don’t want to pay an extortionate charge for postal services? Use one of the new private contractors who, surprise surprise, will charge you a vast sum for postal services. It’s brilliant, this.

The present government are taking a blowtorch to the National Health Service which is in the ‘defund it and say that it’s rubbish so we need to privatise it’ stage of its life and are trying to do the same to the school system which is splintering into a million pieces under the same tatty phrase – ‘choice.’ Some schools are under local authority control. Some aren’t. All are judged by fuckwits with no understanding of education and held to a curriculum that was designed so that people can pass exams rather than think for themselves.

And you know what the fun thing is? People voted for this. They actually looked at the Tory or Tory-lite manifesto and said ‘yes, I like the look of this bastard parody of America that you’re offering to me and intend to throw my weight behind it.’ And this is why we can’t have nice things that other countries have.

It’s like voting for the Hitting You On The Head With A Mallet party and wondering why a man keeps coming around to your house and hitting you on the head with a mallet, but then voting for them all over again when they make noises about being patriotic, believing in Britain and letting you choose which people will rip you off and offer you a more feeble service than the one they offered before. Which they also defunded, ran into the ground, said was rubbish and then privatised. It’s impossible to compass this level of stupidity because it’s so utterly and thoroughly remorseless, but it’s kept every government in power since 1979, sustained the country through a hundred ill-judged privatisations, overseen the utter disaster that was PFI and propelled us into two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that were hopelessly misconceived and dunderheaded.

I last voted in 1997. After that, I worked out that Tony Blair was some kind of lunatic on a messianic power trip and then just stopped. When there are two flavours of shit on offer, pebbly and long, why should you ever put yourself in the position of saying that you voted for either? And that is why what I’ve described above will never, ever change. We’re never offered an alternative the media, who exist to reproduce establishment narratives, won’t do their masters’ bidding and tear down and traduce at every opportunity. There are only ever two options, which are blue and a slightly lighter blue. We can never vote to make genuine change because we’re not allowed to.

Which is why I don’t vote and won’t be voting in the referendum. It’s the idiots’ country and they need to have the idiot government they want with all their idiotic little heart. If they idiotically want to get out of the European Union and pursue some idiots’ dream of England being like it was in the fifties where men wore hats, there were steam trains and no black people, then they deserve to get the ruin and wreckage that comes with working towards that. When they travel abroad, if they’re allowed to, and see how other countries work and marvel at the nice things the other countries have, they won’t understand. Because they’re idiots. And they’re in charge.

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