Douglas Bastard's Rants of Rage


This article was written on 24 Jun 2016, and is filled under Uncategorised.

A pledge of allegiance… to Scotland

The referendum result has been with us for less than 24 hours, but one, small beacon of hope is starting to shine through the gloom. And it’s this.

Scotland is going to vote to leave the UK and ally itself with the EU, in what is probably the most emphatic ‘fuck you’ to a remote, political class that has been delivered in recent memory. The decision by the old and wizened to leave a political union they don’t want to try and understand is, in a few months’ time, going to precipitate the final, irrevocable break-up of the United Kingdom into two parts. One will be dominated by England, in which Michael Gove and ‘Boris’ Johnson are seen as serious politicians, and the other will leave them to rot.

It hurts to say this, because I live in England, but Scotland’s dramatic bid for freedom from the people who have misgoverned it since the Act of Union will be beautiful. Right on our doorstep, a nation will find its way back to sovereignty and join a forward-looking group of people who want to work together for the greater good. At a stroke, it makes England and its fearful siblings look like what they are – countries where racism and xenophobia have triumphed and where hatred is now the most common political currency.

Were I French, I’d simply wave the migrants through. They’re now Britain’s problem. If I was in the EU negotiating team, assuming they have one, I’d bend Gove or Johnson or May over the table and fingerbang them until they wept and then stick Britain behind a punitive wall of tariffs that meant getting hold of bog roll cost them a tenner a time and they were taking wheelbarrows to the corner shops to hold all their money in order that they could buy a loaf. Give it a couple of months, a house price crash and a major recession, and the Remain faction will be in hysterics.

Right now, I pledge my allegiance to Scotland and to Nicola Sturgeon. I will do anything in my power, anything at their request, to help make Scotland a sovereign nation again. Should they need me to clean out their toilets, I’d do it. If they want me to spend hours pushing leaflets into envelopes, I’ll do that, as well. And I’m not stupid enough to expect any thanks. England, the country I was born into, has done all it can to break the back of the Scottish people and I recognise, as many of those policies were enacted in my lifetime, I carry the burden for that.

All I can say to the Scottish people is that I’m sorry, right down to the pit of my being, and I want to do my own small part to try and work off that historical stain and help you forge a proud and independent Scotland. If, at the end of that process, you want to give me citizenship and welcome me into your country, then that would be a massive privilege and one that I’ll work hard, for the rest of my life, to deserve. If not, then at least I took the right side.

My joy at seeing the UK break up, no matter whether I’m allowed to live in a newly independent Scotland or not, will be unconfined. I’ve long thought, and the referendum has confirmed, that England is a country of absolutely barking racist, xenophobic Tory bastards and that the best thing for it, by far, is to leave the foul place to stew in its own juices. Wales is lost to reason and half of Northern Ireland, the half that wants to drench the Queen in jizz and is in strange, gay love with Ian Paisley, are similarly encumbered. No matter.

Scotland can and will forge a new path. And here, again, I pledge my loyalty to helping you find a new and better way. I’m here, and eager to help, if you want me.


  1. DW
    4th July 2016

    I’m very strongly remain, but this is a very unhelpful article. BREXIT is bad for the UK AND the EU.

    Similarly putting tariffs on YOUR exports isn’t a smart move! 😉

    Last thing we need remain to come across as is bitter, its the right choice for the country and we should have a second referendum, not stoop to the Leave vitriol.

    • thewordrabbit
      4th July 2016

      England is lost. The sooner people there realise that, the better.

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